dawn slips in more silently than a bathhouse on an icy lake
Copyright 2014 Brenda Davis Harsham
Note: Be kind, this is my first ever American Haiku, which I find to be much harder than the usual form. It was a form created by Allen Ginsberg, who brought it away from nature toward our modern, urban lifestyle and left it high and dry on one line, as more similar to the original haiku form, which was not broken into lines. It was inspired by the Carpe Diem Haiku Kai Special #9, although I hesitate to link up given my newbie-ness. (Newbie-verbosity?) Joke cracking in a nervous way is never pretty.
47 thoughts on “American Haiku: Silent Bathhouse”
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Friendly Fairy Tales 
I would say it captured American spirit and had a slight smile as if to say, “We can have fun with haiku’s!” 😉
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Thank you. 🙂
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I think you did great.. I originally did my first at dVerse.. and saw after a while that they worked well with my haibun… which adds a further dimension…
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What a great idea, maybe I should try it. I find them very difficult, though. Perhaps I will wrap my mind around them one day.
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Nice haiku!
I often look at the ducks swimming in the icy waters of the nearby lake.
And I wonder how they do that without freezing their little feet.
They seem to be quite comfortable paddling around.
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Feathers must be warmer than fur!
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oops. 125 years old
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I was pretty surprised, but then I realized it was a typo. I read your post, very inspiring.
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Good for you! I like haiku of any sort. And I also like the few Ginsberg poems I know. I translated one into Esperanto years ago as an exercise and sent it to him. His assistant sent me a postcard with his thanks and said Allen hopes the poem sounds good in Esperanto.
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What is Esperanto?
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An invented language, about 10025 years old. Here is one of my posts on it, http://suzannesmomsblog.com/2011/07/29/esperantists-in-the-subway/
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Brenda, I’ve never heard of an American Haiku. I learn something new from you every time I visit. I found this to be very clever, I loved it!!
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Thanks! It’s so nice that you all liked it!
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Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
SILENT BUT FOR A MOMENT…!
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Yes, the silence never seems to last unless it’s a snow day… 🙂
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I think this is excellent. But the professor doesn’t know much about haikus.
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Thanks, Professor!
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oh i like this. i did not know this form existed and it does seem challenging. you’ve done a great job with this )
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I remember being intimidated by it in college, and now a brave mom of three, giving it a whirl — it’s still intimidating.
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You did great Brenda … it’s very much an American Sentence and it’s a beauty. American Sentence is a nice way to look in a different way at haiku. One of the classic rules of haiku is also that it must read as one-line. Haiku was written vertically by the way in one-line. So this American sentence and the haiku are very much in tune with each other.
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I’ve always written haiku in three parts, ideally, with two unrelated images brought together by a third, but I was not able to figure out how to do that in the American Sentence, so I approached it in a new way. Then I got caught on the rule about no “like or as.” I wasn’t sure if that meant no comparisons. Eventually, I got tired of spinning my wheels and left it in its state. I’m glad you like it. For the number of words involved, a surprising number of ideas and words were tried and rejected. I’m enjoying these specials, but I don’t know how to find them, and when I try to get email subscription to your Special site, it tells me that is not available. Do I have to have a blogspot site to be able to get notifications of your new prompt?
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You don’t need a blogspot-account … but if you would like to hear that there has been published a new post than it can be useful to have a google+ account and add me as a friend or become a follower. Than you get all the news immediately. You can also follow carpediemhaiku at twitter in that case our twitter-account is
@carpediemhaiku
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Oh, I am sadly behind the times. I guess I might need a long lever to pry my boulder-like old self up into the new world.
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American sentences are just awesome, but not really my ‘cup of tea’.
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Yes, they would not be for everyone. I am more into nature than celebrating the urban lifestyle.
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It’s a nice poetry form, but it will not become a poet of American Senteces. I stay at haiku 🙂
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Brenda, what a beautiful picture, wow. Take care, Bill
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Thanks!
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I had not heard of The American Haiku before. You have educated me , you’ve also tweaked my interest. I shall have to try for myself. As to linking back Newbiness is no reason not to. Especially when this offering is excellent. 😉
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Thank you! I’d be delighted if you joined in, Willow. 🙂
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Thanks Brenda watch this space😉
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love it 🙂
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Thanks!!
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I really love this. I just read it through again and again (20 times maybe? But very slowly) Each time it was like a deeper wave of meaning flowing over me. Your words are beautiful, I think they’ll haunt me all day…
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In silence, we hear our thoughts best. I’m glad you heard waves of meaning, too, because I heard echoes of past swimming days. 🙂
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Sadly I can’t swim but I love being near water, these lines seemed to ache with the solitude of all the deep places – woods, shorelines, places once peopled and now left to their own devices as the dawn stirs them awake, but awakening to what? Like their purpose is gone? I don’t know…I think I’ll be mulling it over all day…
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Yes, you get it. Why s it places can look sadder at sunrise than sunset sometimes?
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Because the dawn slips in to steal all pleasant dreams away… 😉 x
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Maybe that’s it. 🙂
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I like it! I’ve been reading/writing poems that use the word dawn lately, it’s a beautiful word and has a lot of beautiful symbolism that comes with it. Do American Haiku have to be 17 syllables?
I didn’t know they were called American Haiku’s though, I’ve written them before. I wrote a 10 set one awhile back, though I guess the point is to make them a single haiku. Here’s mine, with each line 17 syllables in length, grouped in pairs.
“Murmurations of Starlings’ Soul”
by Ry Hakari
Soul’s facets shattered, but starling fragments gathered make a mosaic!
I rise resilient — Why fight or flight? Why not both? Be broken, yet whole?
These contradictions come from surpassing limits of pain tolerance
My soul’s immortal — It molts, but new feathers grow — just like everyone!
Not everyone learns anything from watching birds, but I’ve learned to fly —
When I’d rather die, to keep fighting for life beyond horizons!
If it means to change the dreams I have given chase, when no chance remains
I’ll rearrange aims during recovery, dream new priorities!
You cannot kill dreams — All you can do is rip seams, spill them like birdseed,
And feed an army of starving artist starlings singing for supper!
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Hi Fergusandthedruid, I like your poem, lots of great imagery there. Indeed, dreams are strong stuff. Keep dreaming! Blessings, Brenda
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It’s no strain at all to be kind here. Excellent piece!
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Whew! Thanks!
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Hey, it is a nice piece. The form is deceptively simple – I tried it once when it was Dverse’s prompt. I wasn’t able to compose one. 🙂
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I felt that I was missing nuances, but I suppose that’s always a risk. I’ve always found Ginsberg to be a bit intimidating.
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